Pair of Wooden Blogs
Part One
Ok, so I realized the other day that every job I’ve ever worked, I’ve been sexually discriminated against. Not by my employers (unfortunately for my bank account), but by the customers.
Take the vet’s office I worked in. I was the only male there, and I had a rather scattered schedule (I worked summer, Christmas and spring breaks for three years).
So most people just got to know the women who worked there, and forgot poor ol’ yours-truly.
The following situation occurred on many occasions:
*phone ring*
Trevor: Family Pet Practice, Trevor speaking.
*click*
(beat)
*phone ring*
Trevor: Family Pet Practice, Trevor speaking.
Customer: OH! Oh my. Oh dear.
*click*
(beat)
*phone rang*
Trevor (slightly aggravated): Family Pet Practice!!!!!
Customer: Oh! Is … is this the vet’s office?
Trevor (sigh): Yes. Hence the name, “Family Pet Practice.”
Customer: Oh, well, I thought only women worked there. And then a man answered the phone! Is one of the ladies there?
And so on. The same sort of conversation, only much more sexist, goes on at Family Video. When I started at the Whitehall store, there were two male managers and myself. Everyone else was female, and rather attractive.
SO a typical conversation there would go as follows:
Trevor: Can I help you sir?
Reluctant customer: Are you the only one working?
Trevor: My manager Anthony is here.
Reluctant customer: Yeah, but is that one girl here?
Trevor (frowning): Which girl would that be, sir?
Reluctant customer: You know, THE girl.
Trevor: There are several women who work here, sir.
Reluctant customer: I mean … the one like this (makes outline of thin, built female with his hands)
Trevor: I’m not sure which girl you mean, sir.
Reluctant customer (leaning close): I’m talking about the FINE BITCH. Man, I was hoping she’d be here.
Trevor (grinding teeth): Sorry if I disappoint you, sir.
And that’s how it goes. Just as a person with any color of skin can make racist remarks, sexism manifests itself in both genders, and can affect men OR women.
PART TWO
Now, having said that, I’m not naïve. Women face open sexism FAR more than men do (take the average woman’s salary in this country as an example).
Actually, I’ll give you more concrete examples.
One friend of mine was at a restaurant, casually enjoying her meal, when the waiter said he’d PAY FOR HER FOOD if she went out with him.
Now, my friend is extremely fun, goofy, witty, intelligent, well-informed on current affairs and quite talkative (once you get to know her). She also loves art, music, theater, dining out and liberals (you can see why we get along so well).
Did this waiter know ANY of this? Was his offer the result of witty banter, in which he felt potential chemistry developing between himself and my friend? No. He saw a pretty girl and tried to bribe her.
Now, you might be saying yourself:
“Self, isn’t he being a little overdramatic? Seriously, the guy took a shot. It didn’t work out. That doesn’t make him a sexist pig. Maybe he’s just the guy who takes risks.”
And my answer is, fair enough. Maybe that was the case.
Except, nearly everywhere my friend goes, this same thing happens. Over and over again. Is it really possible that ALL of these men want to develop a relationship with a girl they’ve hardly spoken to?
I’m skeptical …
So let’s move on to my other examples, both of which concern employees at the video store.
We’ve already established a lot of the customers have a physical attraction to them. But things get out of hand.
One girl gets asked out nearly EVERY DAY she works. The last time I worked with her, this creepy old man (late 40s) made an awkward and desperate attempt to casually ask her out.
Fortunately, she was very sweet and politely steered the conversation to a more comfortable ground.
But she has to do this EVERY SINGLE DAY. She can’t just go to work without some guy asking her for date or making a more personal comment. In many cases, these comments cross the “rude” line and become downright vulgar.
Now, this girl takes all of this in stride, which is quite the opposite of another girl.
One day she came to work, hackles raised, grinding her teeth.
I asked what was wrong, and the answer was appalling. She’d stopped at the bank on the way to work to get some cash, and a some men in a car stopped, rolled down their windows, and started screaming flattering comments like, “You have such a nice ass, girl!”
Seriously, a girl can’t even go the fucking BANK – one of the least sexy places I can think of – without being harassed.
“Men are such fucking assholes,” she told me, wrapping up her story.
“Um, we’re not ALL like that,” I said.
“Well the ones who are ruin it for the rest of you.”
And THAT’S my problem.
I can’t speak to the victimization of women in a situation like this. But I can be pissed that there are assholes out there ruining it for the rest of us.
When I DO find myself in conversation with a new girl in public (which happens more often than you might suspect), I NEVER ask her out. I wouldn’t dare. Even if I do have reasons other than that initial physical attraction (it’s there, I’m not immune). But I have to ask myself, how many times has she been asked out today? How many men have made foul comments about her body? Will she walk away and tell her friends/coworkers that I’ve ruined the reputation of my entire gender?
I myself have never really been sexually harassed, and if I were, I would probably be more flattered than anything. But that’s only because I don’t hear every damn day, and neither do any of my guy friends. I can’t know what it’s like to try and deposit a check and have women tell me my ass is tight or my package is bulging or my tits are perky or anything of the sort. I have no idea what it’s like to have some older member of the opposite sex rent a porno and make suggestive comments about watching it with me.
But I observe this behavior, and I think it’s atrocious. Seriously, guys, girls are getting tired of this shit. It’s obscene, it’s unromantic, and frankly, it doesn’t even WORK, so why bother? When in the history of male and female relationships has a man said to a complete stranger, “Nice ass, baby,” and she’s thought, “Damn, that man is a stallion and I want to take him right here.”?
It’s a rhetorical question, but for the morons, the answer is, “Never.”
It hasn’t happened. It won’t happen. Because that behavior is demoralizing and, if you ask any girl I’ve ever spoken too on this subject (again, you’d be surprised at how many this is – I did my research for this blog), it’s a turn-off.
So knock it off.
Oh and by the way, later that day at the video store, some dude made the mistake of calling the girl, “Baby.” And now I don’t think he’ll be able to have children.
Not that a girl would sleep with him anyway.
Peace,
Nas-T
Ok, so I realized the other day that every job I’ve ever worked, I’ve been sexually discriminated against. Not by my employers (unfortunately for my bank account), but by the customers.
Take the vet’s office I worked in. I was the only male there, and I had a rather scattered schedule (I worked summer, Christmas and spring breaks for three years).
So most people just got to know the women who worked there, and forgot poor ol’ yours-truly.
The following situation occurred on many occasions:
*phone ring*
Trevor: Family Pet Practice, Trevor speaking.
*click*
(beat)
*phone ring*
Trevor: Family Pet Practice, Trevor speaking.
Customer: OH! Oh my. Oh dear.
*click*
(beat)
*phone rang*
Trevor (slightly aggravated): Family Pet Practice!!!!!
Customer: Oh! Is … is this the vet’s office?
Trevor (sigh): Yes. Hence the name, “Family Pet Practice.”
Customer: Oh, well, I thought only women worked there. And then a man answered the phone! Is one of the ladies there?
And so on. The same sort of conversation, only much more sexist, goes on at Family Video. When I started at the Whitehall store, there were two male managers and myself. Everyone else was female, and rather attractive.
SO a typical conversation there would go as follows:
Trevor: Can I help you sir?
Reluctant customer: Are you the only one working?
Trevor: My manager Anthony is here.
Reluctant customer: Yeah, but is that one girl here?
Trevor (frowning): Which girl would that be, sir?
Reluctant customer: You know, THE girl.
Trevor: There are several women who work here, sir.
Reluctant customer: I mean … the one like this (makes outline of thin, built female with his hands)
Trevor: I’m not sure which girl you mean, sir.
Reluctant customer (leaning close): I’m talking about the FINE BITCH. Man, I was hoping she’d be here.
Trevor (grinding teeth): Sorry if I disappoint you, sir.
And that’s how it goes. Just as a person with any color of skin can make racist remarks, sexism manifests itself in both genders, and can affect men OR women.
PART TWO
Now, having said that, I’m not naïve. Women face open sexism FAR more than men do (take the average woman’s salary in this country as an example).
Actually, I’ll give you more concrete examples.
One friend of mine was at a restaurant, casually enjoying her meal, when the waiter said he’d PAY FOR HER FOOD if she went out with him.
Now, my friend is extremely fun, goofy, witty, intelligent, well-informed on current affairs and quite talkative (once you get to know her). She also loves art, music, theater, dining out and liberals (you can see why we get along so well).
Did this waiter know ANY of this? Was his offer the result of witty banter, in which he felt potential chemistry developing between himself and my friend? No. He saw a pretty girl and tried to bribe her.
Now, you might be saying yourself:
“Self, isn’t he being a little overdramatic? Seriously, the guy took a shot. It didn’t work out. That doesn’t make him a sexist pig. Maybe he’s just the guy who takes risks.”
And my answer is, fair enough. Maybe that was the case.
Except, nearly everywhere my friend goes, this same thing happens. Over and over again. Is it really possible that ALL of these men want to develop a relationship with a girl they’ve hardly spoken to?
I’m skeptical …
So let’s move on to my other examples, both of which concern employees at the video store.
We’ve already established a lot of the customers have a physical attraction to them. But things get out of hand.
One girl gets asked out nearly EVERY DAY she works. The last time I worked with her, this creepy old man (late 40s) made an awkward and desperate attempt to casually ask her out.
Fortunately, she was very sweet and politely steered the conversation to a more comfortable ground.
But she has to do this EVERY SINGLE DAY. She can’t just go to work without some guy asking her for date or making a more personal comment. In many cases, these comments cross the “rude” line and become downright vulgar.
Now, this girl takes all of this in stride, which is quite the opposite of another girl.
One day she came to work, hackles raised, grinding her teeth.
I asked what was wrong, and the answer was appalling. She’d stopped at the bank on the way to work to get some cash, and a some men in a car stopped, rolled down their windows, and started screaming flattering comments like, “You have such a nice ass, girl!”
Seriously, a girl can’t even go the fucking BANK – one of the least sexy places I can think of – without being harassed.
“Men are such fucking assholes,” she told me, wrapping up her story.
“Um, we’re not ALL like that,” I said.
“Well the ones who are ruin it for the rest of you.”
And THAT’S my problem.
I can’t speak to the victimization of women in a situation like this. But I can be pissed that there are assholes out there ruining it for the rest of us.
When I DO find myself in conversation with a new girl in public (which happens more often than you might suspect), I NEVER ask her out. I wouldn’t dare. Even if I do have reasons other than that initial physical attraction (it’s there, I’m not immune). But I have to ask myself, how many times has she been asked out today? How many men have made foul comments about her body? Will she walk away and tell her friends/coworkers that I’ve ruined the reputation of my entire gender?
I myself have never really been sexually harassed, and if I were, I would probably be more flattered than anything. But that’s only because I don’t hear every damn day, and neither do any of my guy friends. I can’t know what it’s like to try and deposit a check and have women tell me my ass is tight or my package is bulging or my tits are perky or anything of the sort. I have no idea what it’s like to have some older member of the opposite sex rent a porno and make suggestive comments about watching it with me.
But I observe this behavior, and I think it’s atrocious. Seriously, guys, girls are getting tired of this shit. It’s obscene, it’s unromantic, and frankly, it doesn’t even WORK, so why bother? When in the history of male and female relationships has a man said to a complete stranger, “Nice ass, baby,” and she’s thought, “Damn, that man is a stallion and I want to take him right here.”?
It’s a rhetorical question, but for the morons, the answer is, “Never.”
It hasn’t happened. It won’t happen. Because that behavior is demoralizing and, if you ask any girl I’ve ever spoken too on this subject (again, you’d be surprised at how many this is – I did my research for this blog), it’s a turn-off.
So knock it off.
Oh and by the way, later that day at the video store, some dude made the mistake of calling the girl, “Baby.” And now I don’t think he’ll be able to have children.
Not that a girl would sleep with him anyway.
Peace,
Nas-T
posted by Sketch E. at 4:18 AM
5 Comments:
one time after playing catch in the park, josh and i were walking back to the house with our shirts off and some girls honked at us. they obviously wanted us, but i felt violated. and thats my story....
b
Hey Trevor,
Thanks for posting this! I can't count how many times I've been called "honey" while on the job, and how much I love being left out of music conversations because I'm not a guy in a band.......among other unpleasantries...
It's a freakish world out there for young women and it's a damned shame. What alot of men don't understand is that leers, creepy comments, or whistles might seem like fun to them, but to small women, it's physically threatening and intimidating. If a group of women smile or whistle at a guy, even if it's unwanted attention, he isn't going to have the gut fear reaction of "this person could attack me...."
At any rate, just keep being yourself. It's sad, but it becomes easy to recognize the signs of a creep, and you aren't one and don't have those qualities.
I'm a little fired up about this lately, as you know, and I'm glad to get your views. Thanks for being a smart, conscientious, non-jerk!
--Lisa
let's start a revolution.
or, at least, a new education system. yeah.
YOU ARE THE BEST.
OK,
Common, you seriously refrain in asking a girl out who you think is attractive because you think say to yourself "How many guys have already asked her out today? How many grossly repulsive comments has she absorbed because of her mouth-dropping hot body? Am I going to ruin it for all guys?"? Maybe I'm selfish when I ask someone out, haha, but I just don't think about that really. I just do whatever comes natural. I don't call anyone "baby" or comment on a "tight ass." I may talk a little bit more provocatively in a "close" or intimate situation, but at that point, its hard not to be honest!
I see what you are saying about the harassment, it happens so much. I could go on and on and on about it, but I think you covered it pretty well. :) With me, I have trouble saying rude comments simply because nothing annoys me more than someone doing that to me. Harassment sucks. Although, by the right person, I like to be harassed (but at that point, it isn't harassment, but rather it is a tease).
- Marc A.
I was going to comment on this the other night, but it was like 4:30am, and hell, even I have to go to bed sometime.
Anyway, I gotta say, I think you're more cynical about guys than I am, and I'm the single female. As for the girl who said those guys ruin it for the rest of you, I have to disagree. Maybe she was just having a bad day, because if anything, those type of guys just make us appreciate the ones who aren't like that even more.
I think there are many forms of sexism today, on both sides. Some are overt; some are subtle. Like, people telling you that you're gay for watching Gilmore Girls. Or, when I have to prove that I know about sports, when for so many guys, it's just assumed. For example, at my cousin's wedding reception, I was trying to get an OSU game to come in on a little TV. I got up to get a drink and handed the TV to my brother, who couldn't have cared less about the game. The whole minute I was gone, like 10 guys came up to ask my brother what the score was, but when I was holding the TV, no one did. I have plenty of "you're a girl, you don't know anything about sports" stories, and I think those piss me off more than the "random guy tells me I have a nice ass" stories.
But hey, it's nice when both men and women work to combat sexism. You're indignant about obnoxious horny guys, and I respect you for watching a show with female leads. And, I would have no problem if a guy worked at the vet's office.
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