My Favorite Horror Film: The Blog

"I'm not growing up
I'm just burning out
And I stepped in line
To walk amongst the dead"

~~ Green Day, Burnout



So I never, ever remember my dreams, but this morning, I remembered a single line from my dream.

A guy and a girl are talking to one another. He totally thinks he’s smooth, (no, it wasn’t me) and the girl is really not into him at all (still wasn’t me, I swear):

Dude: I feel like I’m a volcano about to erupt.

Girl: Hope it can work its way through all the layers of crust.



How randomly awesome is that? At some point, nearly everyone I know has asked me where my jokes come from, and I always answer, ‘I have no idea.’ Only, I always suspected they burbled out of my twisted subconscious.

Now I know for sure.



Anyway, the only reason I remember any portion my dream at all is that I was rudely awakened by a call from the dead.

Seriously, it was like, white noise or something equally creepy (I won’t say terrifying because I’m sure that, even in my less-than-athletic physical condition, I could still outrun a zombie).

It was 1 p.m., and I was slumbering peacefully along, possibly laughing hysterically at the film being played in my head, when:

*BEEP BEEP*

My phone beeped crazy loud, like I had a message.

Which was weird, because it didn’t ring at all. Just the beep.

In a sort of mid-afternoon wake-up stupor, I grabbed the phone and flipped it open. It said I had a voicemail. So I clicked, ‘listen,’ and the politely monotone female voice at the other said, ‘You have no messages in your mailbox.’

Isn’t that scary? Like, someone was trying to communicate with me, and it wouldn’t come through.

I ran over to my computer to consult with Lee, who was thankfully at the ready.

Sketch: I got a message from the dead!

Lee: Like White Noise! The ghosts are out to get you.

(See why he’s perfect for such a consultation?)

Sketch: I know! What do you think they were trying to say?

Lee: That our voicemail systems are less than perfect?



Maybe. The irony is appealing. But I have a different theory.

I think the message was satirical in nature. I think the spirit at the other end was trying to tell me something by saying nothing at all. Something like:

The messages of the living don’t really say anything, either. I mean, we call each other, and leave messages, but what are we REALLY saying? Nothing. Our messages are blank and empty, just like the message from the dead. Here, in the palm of our hand, we have this amazing power to communicate. We can talk to one another anywhere, anytime. But we pick up our phones and say random bullshit into a machine, which our friends listen to later and forget. I don’t remember a single message anyone has ever left on my voicemail. Why? Because it’s empty. Dead air. We are all zombies, walking around without anything to say. And if movies have taught me anything, it’s this: better to be dead, than be a zombie.

Or maybe that’s just me.

What do you think?



Peace and love,

Nas-T